"Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
... It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore."
Last night. I literally gave up. I will not put up with the crap anymore.
I'm tired of being the only one who is trying. And the only one who works to keep their word. I'm sorry. There's just no other way. I want to be happy. And even more, I want to be happy with you. But, I can just tell that it's not worth it anymore. I know, well, more like I hope, that one day my life will go back to being normal. Like the way it was before "us". To where I can be happy without you. To where I can trust other people. And to where I don't worry about what you would think that everything.
Though you don't know it yet, I deleted your number last night. Mostly because I don't want to have the urge to call you or text you. But also because I want you to want to talk to me. Therefore, I now cannot get ahold of you, unless you try first. I deleted all of the calls that we had. And all of the voicemails, and voice-messages. All of the texts. Gone too. Which go all the way back to April. (I've never deleted a single one...)
Even your facebook. That'll probably be the only one you ever really know about.
But. The single most hardest thing that I had to do: put away your shirts. It literally almost killed me. Oh well.
Let's hope for the best now.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Photographs & Memories ♥
Do you remember the night that changed everything? That night of your last football game? The night where you spent the whole bus ride on the phone with me instead of talking to your teammates? And where you called me crying after you got home, because you realized how much things were changing in your life?
Do you remember staying on the phone while I was on my way home fom work at night so that I wouldn't fall asleep?
Do you remember the night that we skyped until way past midnight because we were deciding on names for your children? Do you remember letting me choose "Allison Jade" because my best friend's name started with an "A" and her middle name is "Jade"? Do you remember deciding what we wanted the boys to be? Or what about agreeing that Allison could do whatever she wanted with her life? What about discussing how strict we would be or how we would discipline them?
Do you remember the days before Katelyn and Kacey's graduation party, where I found out that you had been planning to surprise me? What about how people that didn't even know you, knew that you were trying to come over to surprise me? What about me spending the hour before going out to eat, talking on the phone to you? Or me crying in the Longhorn's parking lot? Or me begging you to ask your parents one more time, "just in case"? What about me asking you to stay up and text me that night because I really didn't want to talk to anyone there but Stormy? What about staying up on the phone until one o'clock on a school night?
Do you remember yelling at me for saying that I thought one of the guys you played football with here was cute? Or threatening to drive over here because he asked for my number? What about being upset that I had played the piano for him at one of our friend's house?
Do you remember thinking I was upset at you for not being here to graduate with us?
Do you remember calling me during my graduation rehearsal? And me answering and talking to you throughout most of it? What about me having to talk to your dad on the phone? Do you remember that that night was the first time you said you loved me? Do you remember me calling you at three in the morning, hoarse from screaming and whatnot, to tell you that I had done my Cher impression in front of my whole senior class?
Do you remember that first hug on the walkway up to my house? What about telling me that I looked really pretty, even though I was in jeans and a t-shirt? Or telling me that you were proud of me for losing so much weight? What about our lunch surprise at TGIFridays being ruined because they saw me getting our of a car that definitely wasn't mine? What about that car ride to Katelyn's? The one where I tried to change the track on the CD, and you told me that I wasn't allowed to touch it, so I told you that I wasn't going to talk to you anymore, and turned around in the seat to look out the window? That same one where you figured out that I was, and am, very ticklish? What about sitting on the couch at Katelyn's, and our tickle fights? What about going to the movie that night? Do you remember what movie we saw? (It was Thor, in case you don't...) Or our car ride? What about driving me all the way to my house? Do you remember what movie we watched at my house?
Do you remember helping me babysit? What about us swimming in the pool in the country club, even though the water was freezing? What about the little girl saying that you were "a great guy" and that she liked you?
Do you remember going to my baby cousins kindergarten play? Or you choosing to go watch my brother play baseball, because you wanted him to know that you supported him? What about dinner that night? Do you remember where we went? (Old Mexico...) What about the fact that you got mad at me for paying for dinner? Or you saying that paying was "part of the man's responsibility"? What about giving me one of your football shirts?
Do you remember laying on my brothers bed? And me almost crying because I didn't want you to leave?
Do you remember coming to lunch with me and the little girl I was babysitting? Or sitting on their front step so we didn't wake her while she was inside taking a nap? Or playing in the yard with her and her older brother?
Do you remember getting Tropical Smoothie for your first time? What about the song we were listening to in the car while we were waiting? (It was "Ours" by Taylor Swift...) What about one of my ex-boyfriends texting me while we were in the car, and him asking to see me before he left for the Navy? Do you remember telling me to tell him that "my finace said that I couldn't"?
Do you remember texting me during your whole drive home? Or getting upset at me because we never took a picture together, and I never ended up making you a CD?
Do you remember what I sent you as a graduation present? Do you remember calling me the night the package arrived and telling me that I was insane? Do you remember my cousins and Toren, and Hayden getting mad at me because I was on the phone and it was supposed to be strictly an "us" night? Or them wanting to talk to you? What about when I called you back that night?
Do you remember me calling you before I left on my cruise, "just one more time", because I knew eight days was going to be the longest I'd ever gone without talking to you? (Still is, btw...) Do you remember texting me right before I left to tell me to buy some motion sickness medicine? And about the ice cream bar? And about making sure that I didn't get into some random car with a stranger because I would probably end up dead?
Do you remember me calling you at six in the morning to tell you I was home? What about talking on the phone for SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS? About really nothing. What about me helping you decide which knife you were going to buy your sister? What about you looking through all of the decorations for the man cave?
Do you remember that camp out that I went on where I talked to you on the phone instead of telling scary stories with the girls, even though that was my favorite thing? Do you remember what we talked about that night? (Sorry I can't help you out with this one. We swore that it was completely confidential.) What about the next night we talked? Do you remember the questions I asked?
PS. This post began composition on October 24th, and I have slowly been working on it.
Do you remember staying on the phone while I was on my way home fom work at night so that I wouldn't fall asleep?
Do you remember the night that we skyped until way past midnight because we were deciding on names for your children? Do you remember letting me choose "Allison Jade" because my best friend's name started with an "A" and her middle name is "Jade"? Do you remember deciding what we wanted the boys to be? Or what about agreeing that Allison could do whatever she wanted with her life? What about discussing how strict we would be or how we would discipline them?
Do you remember the days before Katelyn and Kacey's graduation party, where I found out that you had been planning to surprise me? What about how people that didn't even know you, knew that you were trying to come over to surprise me? What about me spending the hour before going out to eat, talking on the phone to you? Or me crying in the Longhorn's parking lot? Or me begging you to ask your parents one more time, "just in case"? What about me asking you to stay up and text me that night because I really didn't want to talk to anyone there but Stormy? What about staying up on the phone until one o'clock on a school night?
Do you remember yelling at me for saying that I thought one of the guys you played football with here was cute? Or threatening to drive over here because he asked for my number? What about being upset that I had played the piano for him at one of our friend's house?
Do you remember thinking I was upset at you for not being here to graduate with us?
Do you remember calling me during my graduation rehearsal? And me answering and talking to you throughout most of it? What about me having to talk to your dad on the phone? Do you remember that that night was the first time you said you loved me? Do you remember me calling you at three in the morning, hoarse from screaming and whatnot, to tell you that I had done my Cher impression in front of my whole senior class?
Do you remember that first hug on the walkway up to my house? What about telling me that I looked really pretty, even though I was in jeans and a t-shirt? Or telling me that you were proud of me for losing so much weight? What about our lunch surprise at TGIFridays being ruined because they saw me getting our of a car that definitely wasn't mine? What about that car ride to Katelyn's? The one where I tried to change the track on the CD, and you told me that I wasn't allowed to touch it, so I told you that I wasn't going to talk to you anymore, and turned around in the seat to look out the window? That same one where you figured out that I was, and am, very ticklish? What about sitting on the couch at Katelyn's, and our tickle fights? What about going to the movie that night? Do you remember what movie we saw? (It was Thor, in case you don't...) Or our car ride? What about driving me all the way to my house? Do you remember what movie we watched at my house?
Do you remember helping me babysit? What about us swimming in the pool in the country club, even though the water was freezing? What about the little girl saying that you were "a great guy" and that she liked you?
Do you remember going to my baby cousins kindergarten play? Or you choosing to go watch my brother play baseball, because you wanted him to know that you supported him? What about dinner that night? Do you remember where we went? (Old Mexico...) What about the fact that you got mad at me for paying for dinner? Or you saying that paying was "part of the man's responsibility"? What about giving me one of your football shirts?
Do you remember laying on my brothers bed? And me almost crying because I didn't want you to leave?
Do you remember coming to lunch with me and the little girl I was babysitting? Or sitting on their front step so we didn't wake her while she was inside taking a nap? Or playing in the yard with her and her older brother?
Do you remember getting Tropical Smoothie for your first time? What about the song we were listening to in the car while we were waiting? (It was "Ours" by Taylor Swift...) What about one of my ex-boyfriends texting me while we were in the car, and him asking to see me before he left for the Navy? Do you remember telling me to tell him that "my finace said that I couldn't"?
Do you remember texting me during your whole drive home? Or getting upset at me because we never took a picture together, and I never ended up making you a CD?
Do you remember what I sent you as a graduation present? Do you remember calling me the night the package arrived and telling me that I was insane? Do you remember my cousins and Toren, and Hayden getting mad at me because I was on the phone and it was supposed to be strictly an "us" night? Or them wanting to talk to you? What about when I called you back that night?
Do you remember me calling you before I left on my cruise, "just one more time", because I knew eight days was going to be the longest I'd ever gone without talking to you? (Still is, btw...) Do you remember texting me right before I left to tell me to buy some motion sickness medicine? And about the ice cream bar? And about making sure that I didn't get into some random car with a stranger because I would probably end up dead?
Do you remember me calling you at six in the morning to tell you I was home? What about talking on the phone for SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS? About really nothing. What about me helping you decide which knife you were going to buy your sister? What about you looking through all of the decorations for the man cave?
Do you remember that camp out that I went on where I talked to you on the phone instead of telling scary stories with the girls, even though that was my favorite thing? Do you remember what we talked about that night? (Sorry I can't help you out with this one. We swore that it was completely confidential.) What about the next night we talked? Do you remember the questions I asked?
PS. This post began composition on October 24th, and I have slowly been working on it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My Hand is Yours to Hold ♥
My Hand is Yours to Hold - Josh Golden
Do you remember the night when I told you that I was glad that you moved away from here? And you got mad? And then I told you that my reason was because I didn't want this horrid place to ruin you?
Well, I have a confession to make.
That's not exactly true.
Yes, I am glad you moved, but not for the reason I told you.
I'm glad you moved when you did, because I fear that I would've have fallen in love with you.
Yes, I love you now, but things would have been way different if you hadn't moved away when you did. As we both know, it takes me a long time to trust someone, so the longer you stayed here, the worse you moving would have been. And I know that I couldn't have handled it. It would have literally broken my heart.
So, as much as I hate to say it, you moving away was probably the best for both of us.
Hopefully, you will understand. One day. :/
Do you remember the night when I told you that I was glad that you moved away from here? And you got mad? And then I told you that my reason was because I didn't want this horrid place to ruin you?
Well, I have a confession to make.
That's not exactly true.
Yes, I am glad you moved, but not for the reason I told you.
I'm glad you moved when you did, because I fear that I would've have fallen in love with you.
Yes, I love you now, but things would have been way different if you hadn't moved away when you did. As we both know, it takes me a long time to trust someone, so the longer you stayed here, the worse you moving would have been. And I know that I couldn't have handled it. It would have literally broken my heart.
So, as much as I hate to say it, you moving away was probably the best for both of us.
Hopefully, you will understand. One day. :/
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
More Like Her
Six days. And THEN he decides to call. When he's on the way home from a party...
Not only is that extremely inconsiderate that he called because he knows that I don't like to hear from him when he's like that, but he then proceed to tell me about everything. And of course, as always, don't have the strength to tell him that it hurts me when I hear all of that... But whatever. The other thing that bothered me about him calling-he knew exactly how long we hadn't talk. He knew down to the hour. So either he was trying to be mean, or he were just too rude to care enough to call me back, or text me back.
When he called back the next day, I strongly considered not answering, but, I'm also not strong enough to do that either...
After about forty-minutes of a normal "us" conversation, with the exception that it seemed a lot more formal than it should have been..., he also decides to drop what felt like a nuclear bomb on my life: the girl he liked a few months ago, who he swore you weren't ever going to have feelings for again, sits next to you in two of your classes. With every other guy who swore he wouldn't like a girl again, it wouldn't have been such a big deal to me. But. He had that tone in his voice. That edginess, like he was trying to hold your tongue so that he wouldn't say anything to upset me. It gave him away. That, and the other tone. The one that he used when he would talk sweet to me. The same one that he used that night that we talked about our futures, and about what our dreams and our biggest fears...
A long time ago, when I got hurt that first time, I promised myself that I would never open up to someone about those things with someone unless I knew that he loved me, or unless our relationship was very "serious". And I held very well to that promise. That is, until him. And now he's probably ruined me. Again. Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle going through something like that for a second time, but I know it's coming...
What I'm trying to say is that, I wish I was everything that he wants in a girl. I wish that I was pretty enough for him. I wish that I could be the "total package" that he always talks about wanting. She's obviously more of that than I am... I guess that I wish I was more like her... </3
PS. The most bitter sweet part of this whole thing is that I figured out what number sixty-four is...
Not only is that extremely inconsiderate that he called because he knows that I don't like to hear from him when he's like that, but he then proceed to tell me about everything. And of course, as always, don't have the strength to tell him that it hurts me when I hear all of that... But whatever. The other thing that bothered me about him calling-he knew exactly how long we hadn't talk. He knew down to the hour. So either he was trying to be mean, or he were just too rude to care enough to call me back, or text me back.
When he called back the next day, I strongly considered not answering, but, I'm also not strong enough to do that either...
After about forty-minutes of a normal "us" conversation, with the exception that it seemed a lot more formal than it should have been..., he also decides to drop what felt like a nuclear bomb on my life: the girl he liked a few months ago, who he swore you weren't ever going to have feelings for again, sits next to you in two of your classes. With every other guy who swore he wouldn't like a girl again, it wouldn't have been such a big deal to me. But. He had that tone in his voice. That edginess, like he was trying to hold your tongue so that he wouldn't say anything to upset me. It gave him away. That, and the other tone. The one that he used when he would talk sweet to me. The same one that he used that night that we talked about our futures, and about what our dreams and our biggest fears...
A long time ago, when I got hurt that first time, I promised myself that I would never open up to someone about those things with someone unless I knew that he loved me, or unless our relationship was very "serious". And I held very well to that promise. That is, until him. And now he's probably ruined me. Again. Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle going through something like that for a second time, but I know it's coming...
What I'm trying to say is that, I wish I was everything that he wants in a girl. I wish that I was pretty enough for him. I wish that I could be the "total package" that he always talks about wanting. She's obviously more of that than I am... I guess that I wish I was more like her... </3
PS. The most bitter sweet part of this whole thing is that I figured out what number sixty-four is...
Friday, August 12, 2011
Do I ♥
Four days.
It has been four days since we have had an actual conversation. One that would even slightly be considered speaking to each other...
I really don't understand how it got here so fast.
One moment, he was begging me to wake up in the morning so that we could talk. He wore "the" shirt that I got him, and said it was lucky. He was once again asking me about what I thought he should do about his life situations. He was, as usual, calling me to vent to because he claimed that I "always know how to help." We made plans for him to come here during the holidays. He was calling me yours. For the first time in forever. And now there's just nothing.
I had even figured out what I was going to get him as a Christmas/birthday present... It was something huge, too. We were going to go somewhere that he has always wanted to go, because he's such a big fan of them, but haven't been. Yet. Now it probably won't happen...
(Or maybe it will. I guess we'll have to see...)
And, also for the first time in forever, he broke a promise to me. Yes, it may have been a little one, but it was at a time when I really needed him to be there for me. I never imagined that he would be one of the people who would possibly walk out of my life. So, if he would, please let me know if that's his decision now...
I realize that this isn't exactly the best way to figure out what's going on, but it's pretty much the only way I've got...
If I did something wrong,
It has been four days since we have had an actual conversation. One that would even slightly be considered speaking to each other...
I really don't understand how it got here so fast.
One moment, he was begging me to wake up in the morning so that we could talk. He wore "the" shirt that I got him, and said it was lucky. He was once again asking me about what I thought he should do about his life situations. He was, as usual, calling me to vent to because he claimed that I "always know how to help." We made plans for him to come here during the holidays. He was calling me yours. For the first time in forever. And now there's just nothing.
I had even figured out what I was going to get him as a Christmas/birthday present... It was something huge, too. We were going to go somewhere that he has always wanted to go, because he's such a big fan of them, but haven't been. Yet. Now it probably won't happen...
(Or maybe it will. I guess we'll have to see...)
And, also for the first time in forever, he broke a promise to me. Yes, it may have been a little one, but it was at a time when I really needed him to be there for me. I never imagined that he would be one of the people who would possibly walk out of my life. So, if he would, please let me know if that's his decision now...
"Do I have your love?"
"Am I still enough?"
"Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?"
"Do I just need to give up and get on with my life?"
I realize that this isn't exactly the best way to figure out what's going on, but it's pretty much the only way I've got...
If I did something wrong,
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
If I didn't do something that I should have,
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
If I was annoying,
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
If I wasn't as happy as I should be,
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
If I said something that offended you,
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
Just please, tell me what happened so that I can make things right...
PS. If he thinks that me trying to make things right won't help, then just tell me. I would so rather he be completely honest than to keep things, especially things like that, from me.
PPS. If nothing's wrong, then just remind me that he still cares. It doesn't have to be something big. I just want something so that I know all this time hasn't been a waste...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Another Side of You
Here we sit.
Another night where one of us is busy, yet the other is willing to stay up all night just to be able to text for a while.
Unfortunately, it's also one of those nights when he's mad. And not like the "I'm-a-little-irritated" mad; this time it's the "you-better-stay-away-from-me-because-I'm-so-mad-that-I-will-probably-bite-you-and-I-really-don't-want-to-do-that-because-I'll-then-make-you-extremely-upset" type of mad. But. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than talking to him right now. The reason I chose that song for today is because it talks about how he loves his wife's flaws and how it makes him love her even more. I feel that exact way about him... Even when he's in a really bad mood, I can always find something about him that I love. I feel as though it helps me learn to know what "true love" is. ( Whether this is it or not, I still have yet to figure out. Hopefully, I'll figure it out soon so I can figure out what I need to do about the rest of my life...) He is, without a doubt, the only person that I can deal with constantly, and the only person who seems to care about me and my life even during the dull and mundane times. And for the record: Yes, we fight; actually, we fight a pretty good bit, and I'm not trying to make whatever this is look like it's perfect, because it's not; but even when we do fight or argue, he doesn't hold it against me. He has learned to give me a little space right after it, but he will always text me later that night to remind me that he's still there for me, and that he doesn't want whatever stupid thing we were arguing over to get in the way of what we have.
For some reason, I feel that there's something different about this.
Something that I've never had before, and that will hopefully change my life for the better.
And something that the people in MY life who are important to me (my parents, Ryan, and Hayden) will one day understand.
Another night where one of us is busy, yet the other is willing to stay up all night just to be able to text for a while.
Unfortunately, it's also one of those nights when he's mad. And not like the "I'm-a-little-irritated" mad; this time it's the "you-better-stay-away-from-me-because-I'm-so-mad-that-I-will-probably-bite-you-and-I-really-don't-want-to-do-that-because-I'll-then-make-you-extremely-upset" type of mad. But. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than talking to him right now. The reason I chose that song for today is because it talks about how he loves his wife's flaws and how it makes him love her even more. I feel that exact way about him... Even when he's in a really bad mood, I can always find something about him that I love. I feel as though it helps me learn to know what "true love" is. ( Whether this is it or not, I still have yet to figure out. Hopefully, I'll figure it out soon so I can figure out what I need to do about the rest of my life...) He is, without a doubt, the only person that I can deal with constantly, and the only person who seems to care about me and my life even during the dull and mundane times. And for the record: Yes, we fight; actually, we fight a pretty good bit, and I'm not trying to make whatever this is look like it's perfect, because it's not; but even when we do fight or argue, he doesn't hold it against me. He has learned to give me a little space right after it, but he will always text me later that night to remind me that he's still there for me, and that he doesn't want whatever stupid thing we were arguing over to get in the way of what we have.
For some reason, I feel that there's something different about this.
Something that I've never had before, and that will hopefully change my life for the better.
And something that the people in MY life who are important to me (my parents, Ryan, and Hayden) will one day understand.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Forever and Always.
"I. Want you forever.
Forever and always.
Through the good,
and the bad,
and the ugly.
We'll grow old together,
We'll grow old together,
Forever and always...
"I. Love You Forever.
Forever and Always.
Please just remember
that even if I'm not there,
I'll always love you forever,
Forever and always."
<3
-"Forever and Always" by Parachute
Even though we've had a rough couple of days because he's gone and we haven't been able to talk much, I just want him to know that there are so many things that remind me everyday that he's amazing, and that I'm extremely lucky to have him in my life, even if he's not exactly mine. I also hope that he knows that I want nothing but the very best for him in his life, and I am so thankful that he cares enough to ask me about what I think about his decisions. I will always support him, in whatever he decides to do, and whether it be through the good times, or the bad. I would rather go through a lot of bad times with him than go through only happy times with someone else.
By the way. I wish I could thank him so much for everything. Thank him for caring about my family, and about me, and for doing whatever he can to make sure that I have everything I need. Thank him for trying so hard to do everything he can for his future. But. Most of all. Thank him for being there for me when I need him. (I kept him past midnight tonight, even though he had to be up at five to go to work.)
"I love you forever. Forever and always." <3
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The Story of Us...
As I was reading through some of my list, I realized that (unforunately) a lot of it gives off a "picture" that doesn't accurately portray our "relationship", if you will...
First of all. I have to mention that we aren't together. At all. He is not my boyfriend. We have never even talked about dating.
(For the sake of the story, I am going to call him "my sweetheart".)
It all started about three years ago... October of my sophomore year of high school. My best guy friend at the time was playing JV football, which, obviously, means that all of my friends and I had to go to every in town game to watch him play. For some odd reason, only three of us girls ended up at one particular game. Another odd thing about that night: it was about forty-five degrees out. (Where I live, it's a miracle to have the weather that cold in October. Most Christmases, it's about seventy or eigthy degrees.) That meant four layers of shirts, gloves, heavy jackets, and, our favorite, almost matching blankets that we had made together. After the tough game against our district rivals (who also happen to be one of the top ten football teams in the state), we went down onto the field to talk to our friend. After a few minutes, a random group of guys comes up to him and starts talking and joking and whatnot. He finally figured out that what they really wanted was for him to introduce all of us so he proceded to do that. One of those guys happened to the guy who is now my sweetheart.
That one night lead to him eating lunch with us, meeting up with us in between classes, and eventually, hanging out with us outside of school. Halloween came. With the many jokes and the loads of laughing that came about came the first of "our" problems... He liked my best friend. She didn't like him. He wasn't really upset about it or anything, but it created lots of tension between all the rest of us. Halloween left. The tension ended about a week or two after, but (I think) it was because we all found out that he would be moving away a few days after Christmas.
Once we all learned this, we decided to have a little going away party at my house for him. Afterwards, we were texting, and somehow (I'm really not sure why it happened), he ended up doing something to make me very upset with him. I was so upset with him that we didn't talk for almost a year, and once again, the only reason we did start talking again was only because of that same guy friend before. They ended up talking on facebook, and somehow I was brought up in their conversation. One thing lead to another and he ended up finding out that I was going to a town not too far from the place he was living for Spring Break. He texted me and apologized, and told me that he wanted to hang out when I went over that way. I agreed, but only on the condition that he had to meet me wherever I happened to be when he found time to go see me.
Almost exactly three months from that first text, he showed up at the baseball field where my brother was playing. After walking up to the field, he realized the "trouble" that could possibly insue from he being there. Not only were my parents there, but also two of my dad's best friends and their wives, who happen to be two of my mom's close friends, my brother's best friend (My brother and his best friend were born on the same day, at the same hospital, and have played football, baseball, paintball, and flag football together for about six or seven years now and they feel as though they have to do everything together, even being my little brothers...), and a bunch of other people who are very important in my and my family's lives. After a crazy baseball game and dinner with the team to celebrate that night's victory, we finally returned to the place that I was staying. (There was a shopping complex along with the condo my family was staying in.)
We decided that a little time by ourselves to talk and figure things out was just what we needed. Hours went by. And neither of us even noticed that it was past my curfew. He finally checked his phone after a while, and he pretty much started freaking out. We went as fast as we could back to my room, and to my surprise, my parents were not upset at all. And, to both of our surprise, my parents seemed to actually like him. He left soon after he dropped me off at my room, but the moment that he got into his car, he texted me, and we ended up texting the whole time that he was driving home.
After that weekend, we kind of stopped talking to each other again. This time it wasn't because of us being mad at each other, it was just more of a "growing apart" thing.
October of that year, he started texting me again, thank goodness. And ever since then. We've been kind of together.
He is, without a doubt, one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. He cares about me so much and is (usually) extremly kind. I could not ask for a better person to be in my life as my best friend, and as my sweetheart.
First of all. I have to mention that we aren't together. At all. He is not my boyfriend. We have never even talked about dating.
(For the sake of the story, I am going to call him "my sweetheart".)
It all started about three years ago... October of my sophomore year of high school. My best guy friend at the time was playing JV football, which, obviously, means that all of my friends and I had to go to every in town game to watch him play. For some odd reason, only three of us girls ended up at one particular game. Another odd thing about that night: it was about forty-five degrees out. (Where I live, it's a miracle to have the weather that cold in October. Most Christmases, it's about seventy or eigthy degrees.) That meant four layers of shirts, gloves, heavy jackets, and, our favorite, almost matching blankets that we had made together. After the tough game against our district rivals (who also happen to be one of the top ten football teams in the state), we went down onto the field to talk to our friend. After a few minutes, a random group of guys comes up to him and starts talking and joking and whatnot. He finally figured out that what they really wanted was for him to introduce all of us so he proceded to do that. One of those guys happened to the guy who is now my sweetheart.
That one night lead to him eating lunch with us, meeting up with us in between classes, and eventually, hanging out with us outside of school. Halloween came. With the many jokes and the loads of laughing that came about came the first of "our" problems... He liked my best friend. She didn't like him. He wasn't really upset about it or anything, but it created lots of tension between all the rest of us. Halloween left. The tension ended about a week or two after, but (I think) it was because we all found out that he would be moving away a few days after Christmas.
Once we all learned this, we decided to have a little going away party at my house for him. Afterwards, we were texting, and somehow (I'm really not sure why it happened), he ended up doing something to make me very upset with him. I was so upset with him that we didn't talk for almost a year, and once again, the only reason we did start talking again was only because of that same guy friend before. They ended up talking on facebook, and somehow I was brought up in their conversation. One thing lead to another and he ended up finding out that I was going to a town not too far from the place he was living for Spring Break. He texted me and apologized, and told me that he wanted to hang out when I went over that way. I agreed, but only on the condition that he had to meet me wherever I happened to be when he found time to go see me.
Almost exactly three months from that first text, he showed up at the baseball field where my brother was playing. After walking up to the field, he realized the "trouble" that could possibly insue from he being there. Not only were my parents there, but also two of my dad's best friends and their wives, who happen to be two of my mom's close friends, my brother's best friend (My brother and his best friend were born on the same day, at the same hospital, and have played football, baseball, paintball, and flag football together for about six or seven years now and they feel as though they have to do everything together, even being my little brothers...), and a bunch of other people who are very important in my and my family's lives. After a crazy baseball game and dinner with the team to celebrate that night's victory, we finally returned to the place that I was staying. (There was a shopping complex along with the condo my family was staying in.)
We decided that a little time by ourselves to talk and figure things out was just what we needed. Hours went by. And neither of us even noticed that it was past my curfew. He finally checked his phone after a while, and he pretty much started freaking out. We went as fast as we could back to my room, and to my surprise, my parents were not upset at all. And, to both of our surprise, my parents seemed to actually like him. He left soon after he dropped me off at my room, but the moment that he got into his car, he texted me, and we ended up texting the whole time that he was driving home.
After that weekend, we kind of stopped talking to each other again. This time it wasn't because of us being mad at each other, it was just more of a "growing apart" thing.
October of that year, he started texting me again, thank goodness. And ever since then. We've been kind of together.
He is, without a doubt, one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. He cares about me so much and is (usually) extremly kind. I could not ask for a better person to be in my life as my best friend, and as my sweetheart.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sixty-One to Sixty-Five
Sixty-One. The fact that he seems to really care about me. (He always asks how my day was and if something's wrong, he always wants to know why, and if he can something to help me deal with it.)
Sixty-Two. The fact that he drove three and a half hours to spend a few days with me as my graduation present. ♥
Sixty-Three. The way he feels the need to make up nicknames for me that "correspond" with the important things that happen in my life.
Sixty-Four. The fact that you feel the need to tell me everything. Whether I want to know it or not...
Sixty-Five. When he openly quotes (and/or loudly sings) sections from Disney movies. It seriously makes my heart melt.
Sixty-Two. The fact that he drove three and a half hours to spend a few days with me as my graduation present. ♥
Sixty-Three. The way he feels the need to make up nicknames for me that "correspond" with the important things that happen in my life.
Sixty-Four. The fact that you feel the need to tell me everything. Whether I want to know it or not...
Sixty-Five. When he openly quotes (and/or loudly sings) sections from Disney movies. It seriously makes my heart melt.
Fifty-One to Sixty.
Fifty-One. The fact that he let me keep his favorite/lucky shirt. (And another one of his shirts.) ♥
Fifty-Two. The way he knows exactly how protecting he needs to be. It isn't too much, but it isn't too little.
Fifty-Three. His smile. ♥
Fifty-Four. The "clause" that goes with the "What I Say, Goes" deal.
Fifty-Five. The deal that we have about me being the godmother of one of his children. (At least...)
Fifty-Six. The fact that he tries really hard to get along with my friends. (With the exception of one; but that is only because they got into an argument...)
Fifty-Seven. The confidence that he has in himself.
Fifty-Eight. The fact that he always calls me back when he says he will.
Fifty-Nine. The fact that he's not afraid to ask me anything.
Sixty. The fact that I can call him crying, and he some how always the perfect thing to say.
Fifty-Two. The way he knows exactly how protecting he needs to be. It isn't too much, but it isn't too little.
Fifty-Three. His smile. ♥
Fifty-Four. The "clause" that goes with the "What I Say, Goes" deal.
Fifty-Five. The deal that we have about me being the godmother of one of his children. (At least...)
Fifty-Six. The fact that he tries really hard to get along with my friends. (With the exception of one; but that is only because they got into an argument...)
Fifty-Seven. The confidence that he has in himself.
Fifty-Eight. The fact that he always calls me back when he says he will.
Fifty-Nine. The fact that he's not afraid to ask me anything.
Sixty. The fact that I can call him crying, and he some how always the perfect thing to say.
Forty-One to Fifty.
Forty-One. His adventurous side. ♥
Forty-Two. The way he can tell when I'm tired and want to go to sleep. (I would never actually say anything to him unless I have to get up extremely early the next morning.)
Forty-Three. The fact that he really wants me to move where he lives (starting with college, but who knows after that...) because he wants us to be closer.
Fourty-Three-A. Oh, and the fact that he found a college that has very good programs for both of our degrees.
Forty-Four. The way he's okay with talking to my friends, even if he has never met them.
Forty-Five. The random phone calls that I get from him about little things that remind him of me. Especially when he calls while he's at work because it makes me feel like I'm equally as important as everything that he is doing to prepare for his future. Also, because it make me feel as though he would drop (almost) everything to help me though whatever or to make me feel special.
Forty-Six. The love that he has for movies.
Forty-Seven. The fact that he let me help pick out the names for his children. And. The fact that I got to completely choose a name for a daughter.
Forty-Eight. And actually, the fact that he asks what I think about some of the choices he has to make. (He doesn't always agree with my opinions, but he always listens to them, and even remembers a lot of them.)
Forty-Nine. The way he "thanks" me for waking him up almost everyday, even though I know that he really hates it.
Fifty. The way that he always tells me to go back to sleep when he wakes me up. (He said he feels bad when he does it to me, but also states that I shouldn't feel bad when I do it to him, even though I always do anyways.)
Forty-Two. The way he can tell when I'm tired and want to go to sleep. (I would never actually say anything to him unless I have to get up extremely early the next morning.)
Forty-Three. The fact that he really wants me to move where he lives (starting with college, but who knows after that...) because he wants us to be closer.
Fourty-Three-A. Oh, and the fact that he found a college that has very good programs for both of our degrees.
Forty-Four. The way he's okay with talking to my friends, even if he has never met them.
Forty-Five. The random phone calls that I get from him about little things that remind him of me. Especially when he calls while he's at work because it makes me feel like I'm equally as important as everything that he is doing to prepare for his future. Also, because it make me feel as though he would drop (almost) everything to help me though whatever or to make me feel special.
Forty-Six. The love that he has for movies.
Forty-Seven. The fact that he let me help pick out the names for his children. And. The fact that I got to completely choose a name for a daughter.
Forty-Eight. And actually, the fact that he asks what I think about some of the choices he has to make. (He doesn't always agree with my opinions, but he always listens to them, and even remembers a lot of them.)
Forty-Nine. The way he "thanks" me for waking him up almost everyday, even though I know that he really hates it.
Fifty. The way that he always tells me to go back to sleep when he wakes me up. (He said he feels bad when he does it to me, but also states that I shouldn't feel bad when I do it to him, even though I always do anyways.)
Thirty-One to Forty.
Thirty-One. His "romantic" side.
Thirty-Two. The fact that he tries to help me be the best person that I can be.
Thirty-Three. The fact that he holds everything I've done or said in the past against me.
Thirty-Four. The whole "What I Say, Goes" deal/thing that happened between us.
Thirty-Five. "At Least I've Got You-ish..." (During one of his work trips, he ended up staying in a terrible hotel and he was talking about how it was probably going to ruin the whole trip, and then he said that...)
Thirty-Six. The respect (and, for some members, the love) that he has for his family.
Thirty-Seven. His thoughtfulness.
Thirty-Eight. That stupid tingly feeling that I have after we get off the phone. (I'm still not exactly sure why I still get that even though we've been talking on the phone for months now...)
Thirty-Nine. The fact that even though he rarely gives anyone a chance to make-up for something they've done, he gives me about a hundred chances a day.
Forty. His laugh. ♥
Thirty-Two. The fact that he tries to help me be the best person that I can be.
Thirty-Three. The fact that he holds everything I've done or said in the past against me.
Thirty-Four. The whole "What I Say, Goes" deal/thing that happened between us.
Thirty-Five. "At Least I've Got You-ish..." (During one of his work trips, he ended up staying in a terrible hotel and he was talking about how it was probably going to ruin the whole trip, and then he said that...)
Thirty-Six. The respect (and, for some members, the love) that he has for his family.
Thirty-Seven. His thoughtfulness.
Thirty-Eight. That stupid tingly feeling that I have after we get off the phone. (I'm still not exactly sure why I still get that even though we've been talking on the phone for months now...)
Thirty-Nine. The fact that even though he rarely gives anyone a chance to make-up for something they've done, he gives me about a hundred chances a day.
Forty. His laugh. ♥
Twenty-One to Thirty.
Twenty-One. The way he calls me "babe" when he thinks I'm not listening. (Oh, and the way he calls me "Rach".)
Twenty-Two. When he speaks to me in French.
Twenty-Three. Actually, when he calls me beautiful in French.
Twenty-Four. The way that even when I'm mad at him and don't want to talk to him, he always says that perfect thing to make me laugh.
Twenty-Five. The way his voice changes when he's talking to me sometimes. (He becomes more patient and caring, especially when we're talking about more "sensitive" subjects.)
Twenty-Six. The fact that he is always honest with me and never tries to hide anything.
Twenty-Seven. His sense of humor.
Twenty-Eight. The way he makes me laugh constantly and the way he loves to make me laugh.
Twenty-Nine. His love for children.
Thirty. The fact that he started to keep a count of how many times he makes me laugh. (This came about one night when we were discussing out future spouses. I mentioned to him that I headed to have someone who can make me laugh no matter what. I think he started the count as a way to "prove" himself.)
Twenty-Two. When he speaks to me in French.
Twenty-Three. Actually, when he calls me beautiful in French.
Twenty-Four. The way that even when I'm mad at him and don't want to talk to him, he always says that perfect thing to make me laugh.
Twenty-Five. The way his voice changes when he's talking to me sometimes. (He becomes more patient and caring, especially when we're talking about more "sensitive" subjects.)
Twenty-Six. The fact that he is always honest with me and never tries to hide anything.
Twenty-Seven. His sense of humor.
Twenty-Eight. The way he makes me laugh constantly and the way he loves to make me laugh.
Twenty-Nine. His love for children.
Thirty. The fact that he started to keep a count of how many times he makes me laugh. (This came about one night when we were discussing out future spouses. I mentioned to him that I headed to have someone who can make me laugh no matter what. I think he started the count as a way to "prove" himself.)
Eleven to Twenty.
Eleven. The way he never seems to let me listen to what I want to on the radio, even though he knows every single word to most of the songs.
Twelve. The respect that he has for my parents.
Thirteen. The way that he would do anything for my parents and my little brother.
Fourteen. The way that he suggests we go to my brother's baseball game's because he wants my brother to know that he supports him.
Fifteen. His sincere apologies. (I know they're sincere because he's the type of person who won't apologize unless he means it.)
Sixteen. The fact that he hates when I bring up my ex-boyfriends. (And not because he's jealous or anything; he claims that I "change" when I talk about them. He mentioned something about how my face becomes extremely solemn when I do, and it seems as though I'm reliving every second of our break-up and he doesn't like to see me upset like that, or so he says.)
Seventeen. How hard he works. For everything. Especially his future, like college, his career, his future family, and that sort of thing.
Eighteen. The way he will (eventually) tell me anything that I ask him. Especially about the whole "deepest fear" thing.
Nineteen. His love for Eric Church. ♥
Twenty. The fact that he reads, and not just the sports books; he reads books that are considered "real literature".
Twelve. The respect that he has for my parents.
Thirteen. The way that he would do anything for my parents and my little brother.
Fourteen. The way that he suggests we go to my brother's baseball game's because he wants my brother to know that he supports him.
Fifteen. His sincere apologies. (I know they're sincere because he's the type of person who won't apologize unless he means it.)
Sixteen. The fact that he hates when I bring up my ex-boyfriends. (And not because he's jealous or anything; he claims that I "change" when I talk about them. He mentioned something about how my face becomes extremely solemn when I do, and it seems as though I'm reliving every second of our break-up and he doesn't like to see me upset like that, or so he says.)
Seventeen. How hard he works. For everything. Especially his future, like college, his career, his future family, and that sort of thing.
Eighteen. The way he will (eventually) tell me anything that I ask him. Especially about the whole "deepest fear" thing.
Nineteen. His love for Eric Church. ♥
Twenty. The fact that he reads, and not just the sports books; he reads books that are considered "real literature".
One to Ten.
One. Your stupid "evil" laugh. That one that you do when you're up to no good or when you're poking fun at me. No one can do it quite as perfectly as you can.
Two. The surprise in your voice when you finds out something new about me that you weren't really expecting.
Three. When you tickle me. And how you know that you can use it to your advantage, and that you do just that.
Four. "The" pause that you do when I say something that makes you mad. ("The" pause seems to keep you from becoming angry with me and allows you to calm down)
Five. The fact that you have NEVER, EVER cussed at me for anything I've done, even when I know that I made you extremely upset.
Six. The late night texts that say "U up?"
Seven. The fact that you sends me a text late at night instead of calling me because you know calling will wake me up.
Eight. The late night phone calls even though you usually have to be up early.
Nine. The way that you claims that I have never woken you up. (Which is definitely not true.)
Ten. The fact that even when you finally admitted that I have woken you up, you still said you were glad that I had because you got to talk to me "one last time". (I was leaving the country for over a week and wouldn't be able to talk to you at all, so I called you at about six in the morning.)
Two. The surprise in your voice when you finds out something new about me that you weren't really expecting.
Three. When you tickle me. And how you know that you can use it to your advantage, and that you do just that.
Four. "The" pause that you do when I say something that makes you mad. ("The" pause seems to keep you from becoming angry with me and allows you to calm down)
Five. The fact that you have NEVER, EVER cussed at me for anything I've done, even when I know that I made you extremely upset.
Six. The late night texts that say "U up?"
Seven. The fact that you sends me a text late at night instead of calling me because you know calling will wake me up.
Eight. The late night phone calls even though you usually have to be up early.
Nine. The way that you claims that I have never woken you up. (Which is definitely not true.)
Ten. The fact that even when you finally admitted that I have woken you up, you still said you were glad that I had because you got to talk to me "one last time". (I was leaving the country for over a week and wouldn't be able to talk to you at all, so I called you at about six in the morning.)
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