More Like Her

     Six days.  And THEN he decides to call.  When he's on the way home from a party...
Not only is that extremely inconsiderate that he called because he knows that I don't like to hear from him when he's like that, but he then proceed to tell me about everything. And of course, as always, don't have the strength to tell him that it hurts me when I hear all of that...  But whatever.  The other thing that bothered me about him calling-he knew exactly how long we hadn't talk.  He knew down to the hour.  So either he was trying to be mean, or he were just too rude to care enough to call me back, or text me back.

     When he called back the next day, I strongly considered not answering, but, I'm also not strong enough to do that either...

     After about forty-minutes of a normal "us" conversation, with the exception that it seemed a lot more formal than it should have been...,  he also decides to drop what felt like a nuclear bomb on my life:  the girl he liked a few months ago, who he swore you weren't ever going to have feelings for again, sits next to you in two of your classes.  With every other guy who swore he wouldn't like a girl again, it wouldn't have been such a big deal to me.  But.  He had that tone in his voice.  That edginess, like he was trying to hold your tongue so that he wouldn't say anything to upset me.  It gave him away.  That, and the other tone.  The one that he used when he would talk sweet to me.  The same one that he used that night that we talked about our futures, and about what our dreams and our biggest fears...

     A long time ago, when I got hurt that first time, I promised myself that I would never open up to someone about those things with someone unless I knew that he loved me, or unless our relationship was very "serious".  And I held very well to that promise.  That is, until him.  And now he's probably ruined me.  Again.  Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle going through something like that for a second time, but I know it's coming...



     What I'm trying to say is that, I wish I was everything that he wants in a girl. I wish that I was pretty enough for him.  I wish that I could be the "total package" that he always talks about wanting.  She's obviously more of that than I am... I guess that I wish I was more like her... </3






PS. The most bitter sweet part of this whole thing is that I figured out what number sixty-four is...